How to not get murdered

June 3, 2012
By

Crime shows like Law and Order are full of intricate murder plots. But reality is more prosaic.

There have been 21 murders in Seattle this year, barely enough to fill a season of Law and Order. And most of those would have been solved very quickly, unlike the convoluted plots on crime shows.

Here’s how you can avoid being a statistic:

  • Don’t do drugs. Many of the victims seem to have been killed in drug-related incidents.
  • Don’t be a black man. They’re vastly over-represented on the murder list.
  • Don’t join a gang. Several of the murders seem to be gang-related.
  • Avoid bad areas of town. In the Seattle murder list, that would be any street with the words Cherry, Rainier, Aurora, or MLK in it. Even if you’re doing nothing wrong, you could get killed by a “stray bullet.”
  • Avoid nightclubs in general. Several of the victims were killed outside nightclubs.
  • If you see a crazy person, make yourself scarce. The last five victims were all shot by a crazy guy.

10 Responses to How to not get murdered

  1. artist on June 3, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    I would add, own a firearm.

    Don’t talk about the valuables that are inside your home.

  2. Jorge on June 3, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Don’t hang around any street anywhere in the US named after MLK.

  3. Those weren't bran muffins, Brainiac... on June 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Maybe the higher incident of black victims has something to do with the other things? I doubt anyone was killed because they were black…

  4. rdawwgy on June 3, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Yeah the black men that got murdered probably pissed off the black guy that murdered them. Nothing to see here – move along.

  5. edward1960 on June 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    That spree in the restaurant would have been stopped in seconds if ANY one had been armed. Instead they were cut down like sheep.

  6. MikeN on June 4, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Most of the counties in America have one or no murders. Somehow the prevalence of guns there doesn’t create all the violence predicted by liberals. I’m surprised they haven’t built a model to go with their stimulus model and climate model that says crime there will go up.

  7. Drug Abuse Solutions on June 5, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    LOL no seriously drugs are a big way to end up dead. They’re linked to a ridiculous amount of crime. I was talking to the chief of police in New Orleans and he was going over how almost everything is considered a drug-related crime nowadays – assault, theft, etc. – because it all goes back to the drugs. And if you’re the perpetrator of the crime, you still won’t have that good of a life expectancy. The clients at our drug abuse centers typically have turned to crime at some point in their lives in an effort to keep up their habits. So that’s true to life.

    And yeah…don’t join a gang…

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