I now support reparations for slavery, provided they take the following form:
1. We should temporarily borrow about $4 trillion for reparations. While this seems like a colossal amount, it would only add about 20 percent to our national debt. The government could easily borrow and spend that amount of money.
2. How would this money be spent? In the fairest way possible: Anyone who can prove American citizenship, and African ancestry through a $20 DNA test, should get a windfall payment of $100,000. Why $100K? Because that would instantly allow any individual African-American to equal the median white family wealth of about $100K. Black people would finally have a level playing field.
3. Because Americans are incorrigible RACISTS, African-Americans would be relocated to non-racist countries: Recipients of reparations must renounce their American citizenship, in return for citizenship in a West-African country. This should be an easy decision for the recipients; as we are often reminded, black people were brought here against their will to be slaves, and are constantly shot and killed by RACIST cops for no reason at all. In the land of their ancestors, African-Americans would find safety and an easier life, thanks to their newfound wealth. It should also be an easy decision for any West-African country; why not add a whole bunch of American-educated citizens with $100K in cash at their disposal?
4. To replace the African-Americans who leave, and to make the plan fiscally neutral, we would offer merit-based, race-blind US citizenship to an equal number of smart, ambitious people from around the world. They would have up to 10 years in America to earn and pay $100K to the US government, at which point they would become naturalized Americans.
5. To prevent the new legal immigrants from becoming illegal immigrants in ten years, E-Verify would be mandatory for every employer in America for all new hires.
This plan would finally heal our racial divisions, let African-Americans live free from the constant threat of death-by-cop, Make Africa Great Again, end illegal immigration, provide employers with a smarter, more motivated workforce, rejuvenate our inner cities, take a giant bite out of crime, save Social Security and Medicare (thanks to all those young, productive immigrants), kill the Democrat party, and Make America Great Again.
Only white Democrats would oppose it.
If Donald Trump were to propose this plan, it would win him the African-American vote, and thus the election. He should do it on Election Day, so that Hillary would not have time to outbid him. He should urge voters to vote for a Republican Congress which would approve the plan in his first 100 days as president. (As a fiscally-neutral budget matter, a simple majority could pass it in the Senate, just like Obamacare.)
There would then be a six-month deadline for individuals to accept the offer, and a three-year timeframe for staggered implementation, so that the program would be implemented by the end of Trump’s first term without too much disruption to the economy.
After the world persecuted Jews for centuries, they finally found sanctuary in a land of their own. African-Americans have earned the same right through centuries of blood and toil.